Personnal decision

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Graphiix
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Personnal decision

Post by Graphiix »

Hey dear friends and members,

last year, I posted on this thread a new topic, in way to explain to people why was I going to be innactive. For people that don't remember about it, or just didn't read it carefuly please, let's do it, really important.

http://www.tx-gaming.net/forums/viewtop ... 45&t=12052" onclick="window.open(this.href);return false;

Right now, my time is over. I'm not going to play on Xbox with you anymore. First of all, I found a french clan, but in way to play League of Call Of Duty Black Ops 2, as you never played this with me and as I'm looking for something much more " professional ", I played league for like 1 month, and became a 1 Platinum guy on the league. You can maybe considere this as Multi-claning, but to be honest, in my opinion, it doesn't really matter, and to be honest, I don't give a damn anymore. I had really fun moments with you, but you never really played different things than Demolition and Domination or maybe Team Death Match...

I'm not going to write negative things about you guys, or even about the TX or TX/TR. You guys helped me, and learned me loads of things! I enjoyed every single moment with you guys, and I hope I gave you smile sometimes as you did to me even if I didn't understand everything everytime due to your accent and mine which's absolutely horrible ( yeah, french rules! ). As I said you, right now, I'm in a french clan which's much more like a little familly of good players with like 2 or 3 K/D Ratio. Strong and motivated players. I'm not saying that I'm leaving the clan, but just don't have enough time to play with them, and you plus doing Gfx request and playing League Of Legends, and also school. Maybe I'll come sometimes to say you hello, but I'm absolutely innactive for some reasons.

So, I hope that you read carefuly what I've writen in the old topic " Leaving. " because it's like an add to the old one.

My Girlfriend who had important health problem and with which one I've been for such a long time left me. I'm not speaking about a girl that came into my life for 1 or 2 months, but, I'm speaking about years guys... We wanted a life together, we had dreams, and not what do I have is memories, photos, videos, messages. By saying that she left me, I'm not speaking about going to see another man. Some of you know that she had a cancer, and right now she paths away. This pretty and lovely angel that made my days betters left us officially the 10th Wednesday of April in the year 2013. 2 day before my vacations and I learned by phone that my angel left us. I was in class, studing while I recieved this text message " She's no longer here! We are absolutely sorry about that, you can come home " I've been smiling and then crying, next to one of my friend, he looked at me, and he understood, huged me so hard! I was crying in his arm! And the teacher said " Mr. Baillot, I guess that you love girl " I firstly didn't react and stay strong! I wasn't even able to say anything, just tears going on my pen and my teacher saying one more thing " Come on, Joris, seems like you've seen a ghost, wake up " my friend who huged me just took my arm, and I ran to my teacher saying how a bitch is she, and hit her in the face, my friend ran to me, and hooked me outside! As he didn't want me to do more bullshit, he spoke with me, he wanted me to explain him, but I wasn't even able to say anything, then, I had to speak with the " director " of my college, and I had to explain what happened. My friend was here saying me " Tell him..! " And I tried that was like " I... I... " and I just cried! I was shouting " NOOOOO ! " I left the room, and the college, running away. Since then, I didn't speak to my parents, just told them I don't want to go to school, the understood but I'm failing hard at school, my drive test isn't good enough, I'm doing bullshit, I'm going violent, and arrogant! I don't enjoy anything anymore! I try to smile, but I can't! Every little things that I enjoyed, I can't enjoy them anymore!

All the first thing I did for the first time was with her! Cinema, Fast food, Family diner, Family fest, Sex, Vacation in different country ( in Switzerland which is wonderful! ), Gifts like more than 300€ just for her to prouve her how big I love her! Now everything is memories! When coming to my house the friday, she won't be in my bed waiting me. I'll now sleep alone tightening my pilow and crying on it!
Everything I did with her, it's like I don't want to do this with another one, those one moments everytime, even if I was feeling like the happiest guy in the world, I don't want to do this once more. I'm sad, soso, arrogant, and maybe dangerous, but I'm just loving an angel that left me so young!

My name is Joris "Graphx" BAILLOT, I'm 18, and I'm ruined because I've chosen to love someone different, with health problem, but I didn't really chose her. My heart did. They did. I'm not requesting help guys, I don't know what to do, how to fight, what to think. My parents are afraid, they don't want to talk me anymore, my sisters too, and about my friends... My only friends doesn't live where I do. We're like 400 kilometers away... I don't trust in people in my college and I don't wanna talk to anyone. By going back to school, I know that I'll have problems. Guys I'm seriously requesting your help! Don't blame me, help me... I need help, really!

Thanks for reading guys, hope you'll be able to help me out.

Kind regards,

Joris.
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Infinitii »

Joris, I'm really sorry about what has happened to you in the past year. No person deserves to go through this much grief and hardship, and all in just 1 year. I have also lost someone really close to me, so your post really touched me, actually got me close to crying myself. All I can say is that it's been 3 years since they've passed away, and i must tell you that time CAN heal these kind of pains. I have moved on, it took me like a year, but I will always remember those good memories in a positive light. I can't say that I know exactly what you're having to deal with, but what helped me through it is my family supporting me. It also makes me feel happier to think (although I'm not religious, I'm an agnostic) that somewhere that person is in peace.

And I remind myself that he would want me to feel happy and move on.

But anyway, enough about me, I'm gonna miss the fun times we had on Xbox, although quite short, it was some of the most enjoyable moments I've had. You will always be my Xbox unicorn :) Hopefully one faithful day, maybe not in the near future, we could meet each other again on the Xbox.

I don't know if this post will help you or not, but either way I would just like to wish you the best of luck.
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Skcorn »

My Father-in-Law died the same day, we all feel different and I don`t know what to tell you. I am aware of the fact that I have to let go my wife someday and hopefully not under such circumstances ...........................best would be to leave this world at the same time, together.

Edit: It`s not the worst Idea to write it down and share it with someone, it might help a bit.
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Sunny »

I'm not capable of showing expression bro, this is so fucked up...Nobody must feel this pain of the leaving of a beloved person...I don't know you as good as Etha, CLive ect., but I always liked you and also your french accent which is quite charming. (I'm the Swiss with the Bad French xD(RokkaFellah)).

Look, you really fucked up in college with your behaviour but I think the rector is going to forgive you if you tell him the truth honestly and regreting. Your girl want to see you happy and succesfull from heaven, which I think exist and this angel will rest there and watch you live your life! So do it for her! An old buddhist monk told me once, that true deep love never dies. It still exist in various forms, for example your memories, her parents, just everything which connects with here. Even you! I think your behaviour and character reflects many things from her- Maybe someday you will be a proud father of a daugther and maybe she is the reincarnation of you first love? Who knows...

You were long enough a loyal member and you can still be a part of TX without playing Joris!


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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Aytsef »

I really can't imagine what shit you are going through right now. I mean bad things happen to everyone every day but this is just... No one deserves something like this. I feel very sorry for you bro. I don't know you that well. I have been inactive for a long time and didn't play much with you. That however doesn't mean I can't sympathize with you. You feel like shit now, I hope some day you will feel better. Better about yourself and about your life. Although it might seem right now nothing will make you ever feel better. I really wish you the best of luck and I hope that you can get your life back on track! If you ever need some one to talk to, we might not know eachother, but msg me on xfire or on txforums and we will talk. All I can say right now is: hang on man, things will get better
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by DC.LegenD »

Stay strong Graph I'm sure she has an eye and you and wants to see you succeed ! This is a really hard moment you are passing probably one of the hardest in your life, you have to talk with people don't keep everything to yourself..
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by War »

Courage.

Quelqu'un que je connaissais est également parti il y a un peu plus d'un an, enfin ce n'était pas vraiment un "proche", mais il était surtout proche de plusieurs personnes de ma classe ou autres, on l'a appris à la récré, et tout s'est arrêté. Les profs ont tous été compréhensifs cette fois. Sa copine de l'époque a pleuré, pleuré pendant des mois, elle lui écrivait des mots, elle en parlait tout le temps, puis elle commence à tourner la page, elle pense à lui, mais pas constamment.
Le seul conseil que je puisse te donner c'est d'essayer de sortir avec des gens, de rigoler, d'essayer de tourner la page. Tu n'y arriveras probablement pas tout de suite, mais au fur et à mesure ça devrait aller. Reconstruis toi, la vie ne s'arrête pas là, et elle n'aurait sans doute pas voulu que tu t'arrêtes là.
Les cours, le lycée, je ne dirais pas que tu t'en fous, mais ce n'est pas le plus important, essaie de finir l'année scolaire (t'es en terminale non?) si t'y arrives, ne gache pas ton avenir. Encore une fois, je pense qu'elle n'aurait pas voulu que ta vie s'arrête comme ça, que tu finisses perdu comme tu l'es en ce moment.
Pense à elle, mais pense à elle en faisant des trucs avec des gens, refais toi des amis proches, en qui tu peux avoir confiance, essaie d'être au dessus de ça.
Je comprends que ça soit dur, mais la vie est encore longue pour toi, c'est ton premier malheur, immense, mais ce ne sera malheureusement pas le dernier.
Reconstruis toi, et courage Joris. :up:
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Skyred »

.... La je vais dire la meme chose que War.. Courage..
C'est vraiment dur des trucs comme cela vraiment pour supporter cela... C'est impossible. Mais tu as encore la vie devant toi donc bats toi et ai du courage.
Je te connais pas enormement mais tu as l'air de gérer.
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Penguin »

Sorry for your loss.

Good luck with your new clan, well still see u around here I hope.
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Pacio »

I'm really sorry for what happened to you recently. In these cases I just can't find any word to say except the best wishes for you to get fine again as soon as possible!
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by SAMO »

"Celui qui tombe et qui se relève est bien plus fort que celui qui ne tombe jamais."

Laisse le temps au temps

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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Graphiix »

J'arrive pas les gars! Je n'arrive pas, j'ai plus la force! J'ai essayé de retourner au lycée, de travailler, de me calmer et tout, et j'arrive pas! Je peux pas, j'ai plus aucune volonté! Je veux retrouver l'Amour de ma vie! Je sors de chez moi la nuit, je marche la nuit. La par exemple, je viens de rentrer à presque 4 heures du matin, je suis en larme, je m'ennuie, je veux absolument pas vivre avec quelqu'un d'autre je suis devenu tellement aggressif et tout, je sais vraiment pas quoi faire!

Penguin, dunno how the fuck you understand all of this story, I just hope you understood everything! But I don't have any wish anymore and so what ever! I wanna die, just path away in way to see her back in the sky!

Très belle phrase Thomas " SAMO " mais bon, j'ai plus aucune volonté!
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Skirata »

Je sais pas si ca t'aidera, mais si tu rentres dans un Club de sport ou quelque chose? Je me sens toujours vraiment bien après mes entrainements d'athlétisme/Football etc. Si tu fais un sport que tu adores, avec des gens, peut-être tu te sentiras mieux.
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Re: Personnal decision

Post by SAMO »

C'est tôt encore mon grand pour que tu aies digéré. J'ai vécu jusqu'à mes 16 ans avec la hantise de mes parents, j'étais méchant, agressif, en colère tout le temps et tout... puis un jour après tant d'années j'ai fait le deuil. Il te faut faire ce deuil mais pour le moment tu es trop fragile face à ça pour envisager de le faire, en attendant je ne peux que faire que t'écrire des mots sur un forum et de pas baisser les bras. Pleurer ça soulage mais il faut que tu gardes courage et que tu ailles de l'avant! C'est plus facile à dire qu'à faire je sais mais tu imagines pas encore à quel point tu évolues après une épreuve comme celle-ci.

'Tout vient à point à qui sait attendre'
Un jour la roue tournera. Perdre l'amour ça fait toujours mal et c'est tragique quand c'est comme ça, mais tu es encore trop jeune pour que tu sois malheureux toute ta vie. Progressivement tu passeras à autre chose et tu trouveras la bonne. Il faut juste que tu prennes le temps d'être en paix avec toi même.

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Re: Personnal decision

Post by Lyon »

yo, ive been looking around the forums and now i see this. rly i fking cant write something that is good now, because this is rly a big loss. i wish u the best for the next years and sorry for my fail request.. u will do this i know it.

keep ur head up man, and u got me with ur text. i was like :frown: but only inside my body, u know what i mean.

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